Fast Forward and We're in 2018

It's so funny how life takes you on winding journey. I have two children now. One precocious little boy turning 5 and my princess who is turning 3 this year. I have reached the sexiest age to be in. The big 30 and I'm loving it. 

I am more in tune with my being and learning to not apologise for who I am. Its a road to self discovery and this past year have been an enlightening year of growth, change and self-acceptance. I have decided to not continue with the family business. It has been a lot of heartache and stress which led to me feeling very unhappy. I moved into my own apartment and I finally realised that I don't have to fit into someone else's values. I've grown to accept my own values and live by it freely now without guilt. In return, I am more at peace and essentially happy.

2018 will be the year where I learn and focus on the life that I deserve. I am an amazing woman. This year I will not let anyone bully me into giving in. I will take what I deserve and not budge on situations that will make me feel uncomfortable. I will learn to trust my gut instinct and act upon it. I will be loved and love only those deserving of me. 

Here's to living for me.

It's been awhile...

A lot has change over the course of several months. 

I have retired from teaching and joined my father. Basically working alongside him at the company. I am still adjusting with the things I have to do and the working momentum. One of my clients called me Lady Boss which is quite funny. I'm still far from being anyone's boss right now. Business is a whole different ball game to teaching. You are doing everything. From sales, to managing, accounting, buying even doing your own production. It is definitely not easy to do.

I have a vision for the company. It's just the way I manage it is different from my father. I hope Allah will be able to guide me and the company will be able to achieve our goal. In Syaa Allah.

My son has turned 1 two months ago. We had a birthday party for him. Well the point of the birthday party was him to socialise with other children and basically get together with a few friends. MashaAllah, he surprises me everyday. Being a mother is so fulfilling. I am even more busier than I am when I was teaching. It is heart wrenching seeing him cry when I leave for work. I pray very hard for Allah to pour out rezeki for us so that I will be able to spend more time with my son and watch him grow.

My husband and I have decided to move out of my parent's home end of this year. Both my parents are upset over it. But, I think it is for the best. 

I hope to be able to update this space more often in the future. May you all have a barakah Friday ahead of you.

Marriage is Fragile

Marriage is fragile.
It needs constant care and admiration
and above all,
utmost respect for both partners.
This constitutes respect for their family, friends
and everything else that a partner deems important.

Marriage is fragile.
It has to be truthful, honest
and transparent.
Its like a see through looking glass.
No point hiding anything
Trust me,
Your partner is looking right through you
Your every pain, sadness,
Guilt

Marriage is fragile
It is easily shattered
Like glass
when it gets broken
the tiny shards
are just so hard to clean up
No matter how hard you try
a tiny piece
a tiny pain
will stick right in your heart.

10 tips to bring up your child

I read this post someone shared on facebook. This is a really enlightening read. Parents out there please take note. In Syaa Allah we will raise our children the right way.

10 tips from a Child Psychiatrist

1. Let children play with Sand, Bubbles, Grass and Plasticine.
This is to ignite their motor and sensory skills.

2. Don't expose children to any gadgets
Keep any interaction with the tv/ipad/etc to a maximum of 10 minutes. Never leave the child alone with any gadget.

3. Stimulate their imitation Skills
I didn't know that this skill is important. So when my husband is horsing around with the lil baby mimicking him is actually a good thing.

4. Let them play with concept toys instead of figurines
I did notice my lil baby have more fun with toys that he can interact with. He never likes any of the stuff animals or teddy bears at home.

5.Teach the baby using words instead of sentences.
This I have to remind myself to do. I did however notice that he is able to concentrate when we interact him using one word with emphasis on the tone.

6. Teach children to high five if they are afraid of strangers.
This is really interesting. Read the explanation from the link.

7. Explain and rationalize with the child when he does something wrong.
Explain to the child and scolding him. Make sure you are at eye level with the child.

8. Overly attached to one person is not a good sign.
I did notice the lil baby getting too attached with me the week his grandmother went to Singapore. Also I had used that week to try and sleep train him. However the method did not work. He became clingy and still wasn't sleeping throughout the night. He was also crying a lot.

We tried something different the next week. I would pump and feed him through the bottle. Let other people feed him as well. Also to not let him cry. Everytime he was about to cry, I would smile and laugh at him and pick him up. He became much more confident and happier.

9. Let him explore and play according to his interest
Lil Baby is at the stage where he is exploring his surroundings. I'm not the type of mother who buys him a lot of toys. I don't believe in buying too many toys. Just a few good ones. He is at the stage where every single thing is exciting. Even the senduk from the kitchen. So basically now someone just follows him around the house to ensure his safety and let him explore.

10. When you ask a question to your child, give him a few options as answers.
This is to enhance their communication skills. When he gets upset, you might ask "Why are you crying?"
Answer the question with a few options as your child isn't able to speak yet. In time he will be able to give you a signal and answer your question.

You have to Learn the Art of being a Parent

No one is born with an innate sense to know every baby or child's needs. Not knowing first hand does not make you to be a bad parent. However, deliberately being ignorant for not learning the right or wrong way to be a parent is unforgiving. Especially in this age of technology where every piece of knowledge and information is right at your fingertips.

I have been appalled at numerous occasions of what some parents constitutes as ok.

Story 1

The father is trying to stop smoking and is using vapour ciggs at home. Both parents are constantly on their gadgets while the son is left to play on his own. Buying toys at toys r us is considered 'luxurious' so instead they gave him a non working vapour cigg as a toy. What is so wrong with the picture is that his own grandmother thinks that it is good that the grandson learns what the vapour cigg is.

This scene is so wrong and appalling at so many levels. Parents do not spend time with the child. Family values are twisted. Parents are selfish and do not invest anything into their greatest asset, which is their own son. Giving their son a cigg to play with is so horrifying to the extend that if you call child services to report on it they would probably take the child away. Parents are unfit to take care of child'd needs.

Just writing this down makes me so so angry. How ignorant can you be to your own child??? (Screams at parents!!!!!)

Every parent has to educate themselves. You can't just have a child and let them grow on their own. They need love and care and constant attention from you.

What can you do when you become a parent?
1. Buy parenting books. Read and educate yourself. BBW is just around the corner. No reason to not buy good books at value prices.

2. Attend parenting conferences or workshops. Sometimes baby fairs have free workshops for parents to attend. Join in and learn something from it.

3. Join a group. There are many support groups out there. There is also a group for fathers to meet other fathers. I think this takes place at the Shah Alam library every fortnight.

Give yourself a chance to be a good parent. Having a child be dependent on you is a good thing. There is no other feeling like that in the world.

Breastfeeding and Being Supermom

Two night ago, I woke up to the lil baby crying again, for the second time that night, demanding to be fed. There was a light coming from the tab and in turns out that my husband was awake and reading the news. Fed the baby and went back to sleep. That night the baby woke up again one more time. The next morning my hubby commented that now he truly understands what I have to go through after seeing me waking up several times last night.

I know what everyone is thinking. After seven months did he only realise what I have been going through???? Hello???? I'm just so knackered out in the morning to even put on proper make-up to work.

I swear men can be so ignorant.

I love the lil baby so so much but I tell ya breastfeeding is such a chore. I thought the lil baby will start sleeping throughout the night once he started eating food but nnnoo......he still wakes up at least 3 times at night. I'm so tired for not getting enough sleep.

When my supply gets low I just start stressing out. Then I will have to pump after feeding the baby (it's not a smooth ride, can be painful) then the packing and washing and boom. 30 minutes pass.

I'm just able to muster just enough energy to cook the baby's meals.

What I'm trying to say is for husbands to please be considerate to your wife. It is not easy breastfeeding full time. Sometimes, doing the chores and cooking dinner once a while feels really nice.

The Blame Game

Each person is responsible for their own path. It is all within our own reach to change the situation to work for you instead of assigning blame. Simple Logic, don't you think.

You cannot change the current situation when you have made a decisive decision. It is not fair to yourself and others around you to complain and blame on the rut that you are in. It is even more ridiculous to blame the rut for your unproductive behaviour. It just doesn't make any sense.

Say you blame it on your rut. You don't progress anywhere at all. You will be complaining and playing the blame game your whole life. Until when will this continue?? You will never ever get out of your rut. You will never change your current situation. You will never instil trust in anyone because you have not proven anything. You did not show any progress, you did not show that you are reliable and capable. You need to change. You need to change your whole outlook on life.

Here are a few guidelines that I follow.

1. Always Look Your Best.
Appearance is so so important anywhere you go. May it be for work, or even for an outing with your friends and family. Being well groomed at work shows that you take yourself seriously. People WILL JUDGE you for how you dress no matter how well you perform at work. You do not have to be stylish. Just simple things like a well ironed shirt/blouse and pants. Wear proper shoes and comb your hair. If you are going out with family, it is very important to dress well for your partner. You reflect the image of your family. Also added bonus if your partner receives compliments on how fit you look.

2. Go Beyond the Expectation
Anticipate the expectation of the norm and go beyond that. People will remember those who went the extra mile. Therefore, be organize, finish work well in advance and always do something extra.

3. See Every Situation (bad/good) as a Challenge and an Opportunity to do Better
Every situation that you come across either bad or good is an opportunity. There has to be an incentive at the end. Even if you don't see it, you have to create it. Only when you have a goal will you pursue to do better.

4. Be Consistent and Make it a Habit
Procrastination is a horrible horrible disease which you have to kill. In order to that you need to create a routine and make it a habit. Above all, be consistent.

5. Have faith in Yourself and Allah
This is something I tell my husband. Don't put your faith on people. Always put faith in yourself and Allah. Only he is able to change someone's heart or mind.

6.Cultivate Good Akhlak
Be nice to people around you. Always be helpful and kind. If you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything. I believe as we get older, we speak less. We also only speak when necessary. To be kind or to educate someone nicely. Sometimes I really don't like to be around people who just want to say something just to say it and be mean. It is not fruitful at all.

So stop playing the blame game and take action instead. In Syaa Allah, Allah will guide us to the right path.